3 Gold Coins, a Leprechaun and Desktop Publishing
A short little man with curly red hair and a long scrappy beard stood behind David who was slouched in a strange uncomfortable position in his chair, steady at work. With his green face and strange dreary eyes, he quietly observed David as he typed away on his computer. The strange little man leaned in closer to David’s head and then cleared his throat. Startled, David quickly turned around.
“Oh, hi lad.” Said the short man.
“…Who are you? And how did you get in the office?”
“The janitor let me in.”
“…What? We don’t have a janitor—”
David heard a sound and turned around and saw a dark-haired Asian man in a blue jumpsuit, sitting hunched over in one of the chairs pulled up behind a desk. He appeared to be drunk.
“Wh—who is he?? Who are you guys?”
“His name’s Mr. Pun, and I’m Fonzie.”
Mr. Pun shifted in his chair and then let out a loud groggy groan.
“What’s wrong with him?” Asked David.
“…He’s a little drunk. And by a little…I mean a lot. He just finished celebrating his divorce.”
David stared at him, totally confused.
“But nevermind that, we came here because we need your help. Mr. Pun is a Mixed Martial Arts fighting coach, and he’d like some help with making a flyer.”
“Ok. Do you have a file?”
“Of course.” Said Fonzie. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a white folded-up napkin which had all kinds of food stains, strange spots and writings on it, and he handed it to David.
“Here you go.”
“Uhh…that’s a napkin. And I think there’s blood on it—“
“No, it’s pineapple juice.” Fonzie interrupted.
“…But pineapples are yellow—”
“Just trust me on this, alright?” Fonzie said with a weird smile.
David nodded his head and took the napkin from Fonzie and read it.
“…I’m sorry…I can’t read this. My Japanese isn’t the best.” David said, looking up at Fonzie.
“It’s not in Japanese. Take another look.” Said Fonzie. So David looked again, and as he did, Fonzie snapped his fingers and the text turned into English.
“…What?! No way! This was not in English a few seconds ago! What in the world is going on?!”
“…It’s called magic, lad.” Said Fonzie. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m a leprechaun.”
“What?? Leprechauns aren’t real—”
“You’re not real!” Fonzie shouted, interrupting David.
The two of them awkwardly stared at each other for a short moment and then David went back to reading the napkin. After analysing it and determining the exact services that would be needed, he looked up.
“Ok. So you’re going to need translation with DTP.”
“…Diphtheria, Tetanus and Pertussis?” Asked Fonzie.
“What? …No—Desktop Publishing.”
“Oh…ok, good. Because I’m pretty sure he has Tetanus.”
“…Really? Isn’t that fatal—“
“It doesn’t matter.” Fonzie interrupted. “We need this done by tomorrow night. That’s when his fighter’s match begins.”
David looked at the napkin and saw the name of the fighter and the match details, along with the date, time and location of the fight.
“The fighter’s name is Conor Mcgriger?” Asked David. “Isn’t there an MMA fighter named Conor Mcgreg—“
All of a sudden, a black pig came running out of the breakroom, heading straight for David. Seeing its red beady eyes and its black-as-can-be skin, David quickly jumped out of his seat and ran for his life.
“What in the world is going on?!” David yelled, running hysterically around the office trying to get away from the pig, which was squealing from the top of its lungs.
“…What are you doing, lad? Why are you running?”
“…Because there’s a giant black pig…with the eyes of lucifer…chasing after me!!” David screamed.
“…What are you talking about…? There’s no pig.” Said Fonzie.
David turned his head and looked—the pig was gone. He stopped, completely out of breath and confused out of his mind.
“…What in the Sailor Moon is going on here?!” Yelled David.
“You’re freaking out, that’s what’s going on.”
With sweaty glasses, palms, and lips, David slowly worked his way back to his chair and collapsed down onto it.
“Ok…I…I don’t understand what’s happening, but—“ David stopped and looked down at Fonzie, who was now in the form of a lamb.
“…What’s wrong David…?” Asked Fonzie.
“A lamb—yes, I know. It’s our final form. So anyways, …we finished here, right lad?”
David nodded his head, …not really knowing what else to do. Fonzie nodded as well and then walked over to Mr. Pun who was still hunched over and half-conscious in his chair, and kicked him with his 2 back feet. Mr. Pun immediately woke up.
“Come on Mr. Pun, it’s time to go.” Fonzie said. And slowly but surely, Mr. Pun got up from his chair and followed the little lamb to the exit, and then they both disappeared. Like…literally. As in, they literally walked to the door and disappeared. The door never opened.
After watching this happen, David sat there, quietly rocking back and forth, …shivering, and questioning the meaning of life. Then all of a sudden he heard—
“David!!! Davidddddd!” The voice shouted. David looked up to the ceiling where the voice was coming from.
“What?! What is it?!” David screamed, feeling like he was on the verge of a very nervous breakdown.
“…Stop crying you big baby!” The voice shouted. “…Open your eyes, David…”
David woke-up in his bed, out of breath with sweat dripping from his forehead. After his vision had cleared and he realized that he was at home in his bed, he smiled in relief and laid his head back on the pillow. And just as he did, he felt something brush up against the back of his head. So he rolled over and looked—and there it was… the napkin. The napkin from his dream was sitting on his pillow. And right next to it sat 3 gold coins. David quickly stood up from his bed, horrified.
“Have you finished yet, lad?” Said a voice from behind him—
Written by: Joshua Hector
Contributors: Sam Hardy, Gergana Toleva
1-StopAsia Marketing Team